My father is not contributing to my college. His disability pays for some of my college but he says that, that is his contribution when that is the states contribution. He refuses to put out his own money to help me go through college and he claims he will send me some money when HE feels like it.

Like an uncle would

Then there were countless problems with my classes and I was just so stressed and overwhemled I ended up breaking down at the college not to meantion this is something I really wanted my grandpa to see. And the Funeral being the day before orientation and not being able to sleep for 2 days wasn't helping and I didnt have time to eat properly. I was allowed to leave at 6:30 though because I was greiving so hard. I couldnt get this image out of my head of my grandpa walking around with me and my mom to see the campus and just...talk like we used too. But the head of the Orientation understood and me leaving early and not staying over night was cleared and they wont withhold my acceptance.

Then yesterday my classes got all screwed up and I ended up having to take on one more class then I think I can handle but the advisors said that the extra class only meets up 3 times a semester.

And I havent really cried way to much over my grandpa until I actually got to the orientation. I was stressing out and around a ton of people I didn't know and I was lucky to break down with my mother while virtually no one was around. I think I had such a bad breakdown because I havent had a chance to just really sob over the loss because I havent been alone for over 3 weeks now between my mom and ~Ggiirr and I dont like crying infront of people, but when I was on my own for part of the orientation my body felt the need to cry because I wasnt around my mom and friend and my body wanted me to cry cause it thought I was alone when really I was just feeling alone. if that makes any sense to you guys.

One plus I did get was I did briefly meet ~Ryuuji because we happened to accidently sit just 2 seats away from each other in the same row. But I am shy and have no friends so I fail orz. And I ended up changing my majors because I was so stressed out and so unsure of what I want to do with my life that I am now undeclared. Now I have 3 semesters to figure out what I want and I can get my GE's out of the way.

So yeah...I am really tired and now I am outwardly showing my grief over my grandfather in the worst of places but I finally have my classes worked out and I am on my way to college. Scary.


On a happier note:
Right now I am in San Jose until sunday then on the 14th I go to Canada to go see *sJ-eP <3

I dont know how long for, apparently for 11 days but that would mean that I would be back the day of my brothers wedding. But I am still extremely excited

-Cathy